Saturday 29 September 2018

cliff jumping

4 weeks in and I’m thinking how interesting it is that you so often feel the weakest in the places you were created to be the strongest! There’s an enemy out there who opposes the will of God and he does anything to make us weak. I’m realising that this language learning thing is about so much more than just language. It’s taking so much courage to literally jump off the cliff everyday and it takes every ounce of my introverted spirit to interact ALL day long, to create opinions about things I don’t care too much about and to put all the theory into practice. 

I’m not unhappy – far from it – but I’m very aware that I’m on a journey. I need to overcome a lack of confidence and believe in myself. The fear of getting it wrong or the fear of sailing out into the unknown is real and it makes me want to stay on the safety of the shore. In those moments, I forget the goodness of God and I try to stay in complete control. I wait to hear the cheers that help me feel believed in before I make the jump – but I realise, I need to believe in myself. And it’s hard. Sometimes I’m not sure I can do it. I want to learn quietly in my own room and not out there where everyone can see and hear me. They might realise that I’m stupid after all! It’s a journey of self discovery; I don’t believe that I’m stupid – but somehow I fear, that maybe I am. Control and fear keep me silent and I have to generate the courage to jump off the cliff again and again. And I do. I’m jumping. But it’s taking all I’ve got. I’m realising how much I need to believe in myself so that courage would simply flow… I want to stop making myself small. But for that I need to let go of control. I need to trust that it’s going to be ok. 

Proverbs 31: 8&9
‘Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and the needy’.

It’s a braver journey than I had realised and I’d only do it for Him, for them, for the ones who need a voice. Something deep inside me believes that I was created to speak up for the ‘poor’ (I don’t like that word as most of the people it refers to are so rich in my eyes… but that’s another story…) and so I have to jump off this cliff. Everyday. I will not be made weak where I was designed to be strong! Give me strength to believe in myself, clear away those repeating lies. The ones that tell me people think I’m incapable, the ones that somehow get lived out and end up with an ugly twist of self prophesy. I want to believe in myself. I want to be all you made me to be. I need you to be strong where I feel weak. 

I’ll keep on jumping. I’ll do it for you and I’ll do it for them. I’ll do it for eternity, so that I, in turn, can believe in others. So that armies of those who have been silenced by poverty would rise up and be heard and believe that they have a purpose in this world too. May their passion erupt, may their joy and hope be complete. May the world be lighter because of it!

Proverbs 31: 25
‘She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come’. 

May it be so. 

Let my life be a song, revealing who you are… *

Courage and peace to you. Believe in yourself. 

Love always, KWW

(There's no doubt that it's a gift to be learning these lessons in such a beautiful part of the world….)










* from the song ‘Salt & Light’ by Lauren Daigle

Oh the beauty of the King
You make righteous those who seek
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light

Oh the love that set me free
You bring hope to those in need
You have written and redeemed my story

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are

For You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

You are salt and light
You are love's great height
You are deep and wide
A consuming fire

Let my eyes see Your kingdom shine all around
Let my heart overflow with passion for Your name
Let my life be a song, revealing who You are
For You are salt and light
You are salt and light
For You are salt and light
For You are salt and light

Wednesday 5 September 2018

back to school

I feel like I might be in Heaven but then again, school starts tomorrow morning so maybe not!! I’m in Albertville, France for 7 months to master (in my dreams) the French language and it is breathtakingly beautiful. Just like that another new beginning has started. 







The more I’m away from my beloved bateau, the more I realise taking a break was the right thing to do. I’m still uninstalling the ‘must keep busy’ mode from my mind-set but instead of the constant planning that I had become accustomed to, I’m having the most wonderful opportunities to explore and be OUTSIDE. It’s one of the things I missed the most; fresh air, walks, bike rides, beautiful views, birdsong, silence, breezes, the scent of flowers…. all these things make my spirit come alive and it is such a gift to be here. 



(note the snow capped mountain poking through!)

It feels like an utter privilege to have learning French as my focus for now and it’s giving me time to take care of myself a little better too. There are certain things that I notice I now have time for (like using my electric tooth brush or reading the news) versus feeling too busy on the ship to even consider these things most of the time! How ridiculous that the whirl had got so whirl-ish.  

Coming to France has been a secret dream since I was about 17, I think. It’s one of those laid down dreams that I thought would never happen – I remember leafing through magazines wondering if I could become an au pair or pick grapes in a vineyard and learn to speak French. Even so, it’s scary and it can be lonely. Arriving wasn’t exactly a joy! Honestly, it felt like ANOTHER time I had to be brave and feel alone. To be grown up and just put one foot in front of the other and believe I am where I am supposed to be. On Monday we had a test and as I sat at my desk and the paper was placed in front of me, I truly considered telling the teacher I had tummy ache and needed to go home! What a ninny I am. 

Changing seasons are never easy and I still have bulging tears in my eyes when I see a Mercy Ship video. I will never tire of seeing hope born. I feel immensely thankful for the beautiful summer I had at home. I enjoyed family and friends and the fresh air and sunny days so much and as the days are starting to get shorter and cooler, I am beginning to want to hold on to these beautiful months I had. And then I remember that I will soon get to see the leaves changing colour and even see some snow – things I have missed so much these last years. And so just like you can’t hold back the seasons, you can’t in life either! You have to metaphorically let go of the sunshine on your back and look forward to the new vistas that will come as the trees shed their leaves. Just like I can’t pick up the leaves and stick them back on, I can’t pick up all the beautiful things I am having to let go of and put them back on either. If I did, I would miss out on autumn colours and making snow angels and who would want to do that?  

My pencil case is ready and my heart will surely catch up. I’m here to learn a language, which I hope to be able to use to express rich and unconditional love to future friends and colleagues. 

Seasons come and seasons go but I’m a firm believer that it’s never ever the end of the story; the best is always yet to come. 

Bring it on. Love always. KWW