No snow. I’d dreamt of it for months. I’d talked about it. I’ve had my office decorated with it since last winter. I’d pictured floating flakes dancing outside the window. I could feel the warmth of the fire and smell the smoke of the burning wood. I could taste the wintry flavours on my tongue, I could hear the silence as it fell and I could imagine the creaking crunch as I stepped my foot onto it. I knew where the sledge would take me and I knew how my lungs would cry for help as I re-climbed its slithery course. I could sense how cold my nose would get and could feel the soggy socks that would need a post sledge dry. I knew how full my heart would get.
And it’s not because I like all things white or the cold or delicate things or even the magical mystery snow brings. Well, it’s not just that anyway. It’s because… well, it speaks of something so much bigger. The intricate beauty, the unique form, the careless float, the transforming power, the ability it has to make me a child again, the effortless beauty. It speaks of something so much more. I could say the same of lots of other things. The birdsong in mum and dad’s wintry garden, the crashing waves on my favourite beach, the wild sea spray, the reflections on the sand, the juicy tang of a cox’s apple, the places in my heart that a film about real life in its raw beauty unveils, the rainbows that speak of promise and hope, the clear blue skies after days of relentless rain, the giggles to be had with my little friends, the courage and humility that my nephew displays as he faces huge surgery… yep, these things speak of something so much more too. And it’s not because I’m soft and fluffy. It’s really not. It’s because these things waken a deep part of my heart. And they leave me thirsty for more. They all remind me of my Maker and I wonder; how did it all get so beautiful?
Thirsty hearts are those whose longings have been wakened by the touch of God within them. A.W Tozer
It’s been a beautiful year of growth in a million ways. Thousands of people’s lives transformed through surgery and the power of love. And love’s transforming power in my life too. I’ve stretched and grown, I feel like I’ve become more of me and encouraged others to be more of them. It’s been about learning to love and being loved. It’s been about hearing God’s voice, learning what that sounds like and learning to quiet my own heart in it. It’s been learning that there is so much more. I didn’t say it had been easy - I just said it was beautiful.
But the snow. It never came you know. It’s ok, it’s sometimes how it goes. Thank you, England for 3 weeks of rich gifts. Thank you 2013 for 52 weeks of deepest joy.
My dreams for 2014? I want to be fully me. I want to love deeply and I want to open my eyes to all the ways I can receive love too. I want to be at rest in my heart. I don’t want to be running to the next thing or longing for the beauty that has passed. I want to be embracing the now and see the metaphoric snow falling in it. I want the touch of God to awaken my Spirit to all the ways He calls me to pour out deep love and I can think of nowhere better than to do it on my big white boat. We’ll continue on in the Republic of Congo until June and after that it’s yet to be finalized.
Oh and I’d like to build a snowman too.
But most of all, I dream of making my Maker smile.
Love always, KWW