Saturday, 4 August 2007

Intense Pain

Intense pain. I can’t even tell how much my heart aches right now. I’m tired so that intensifies things of course so forgive me, but I need to fill you in. It’s a sad story I’m afraid but it’s got me thinking…

A 21year old guy from the US working with us for the last couple of months drowned at a nearby beach last weekend. Incredibly sad. So tragic. There are scenes in my head that I hope will soon fade. I have experienced a new depth of pain that makes my insides want to turn inside out. Ugh. I’ve cared for people in similar situations at home of course. We all hear about the pain and suffering in the world everyday. But somehow this has been different. I guess it’s because he is part of our Mercy Ship ‘family’. I’m thankful that it’s not too often that the pain and suffering is so in my face. Selfish aren’t I? Most of the time I am too chicken to get too close. I know there’s plenty of it about, I’ve just got good at dodging it. It’s easy to switch the TV off and kinda protect myself from the pain of it all.

This week has been different. I feel like I’ve been forced to look the pain and suffering of the world right in the face. It hurts. And that’s just a fraction of the pain his family and friends must be feeling right now. Please pray for them.

Aside from his death something else got to me. I am struck once again by the injustice of the broken world and greed of so many. The hospital where he was taken to (in the back of a truck - no ambulance service of course) had absolutely NOTHING. I mean nothing. A few staff with minimal education, doing their best with zero equipment. Not even any oxygen. It’s just mind blowingly unfair. We have SO much and they just have nothing. Nothing. Not even the education to do basic CPR. It's an overwhelmingly hopeless feeling. I feel like there's just no hope in this country and it almost seems pointless doing anything about it because the problem is just so huge and will take generations to rectify.

That’s when I heard God speak again, ‘... just do your part Kirst, you don't have to fix the world, just be obedient to the part I ask you to do’.

I am tired of this broken world and long for more of God in it. Without him, there is simply no hope. I cannot imagine life without the hope of eternity spent with God, without all this pain. Can you?

So, it’s been a heavy hearted week. The kind of one that leaves you feeling on edge, exhausted to the core. I am not wondering so much why it had to happen (I trust in a God who I know sees the bigger picture and I am at peace with that), but I am left with two questions:
  • Am I playing the part that God created me for, to touch lives and may be even change the path of history?
  • Am I giving all I have, my hands and feet, to make all that seems so impossible (relief of injustice, poverty, pain) become a reality?

I feel less overwhelmed by the pain and hurt in the world as I realise I just have to do my part. I am learning that God honours the faith and brave action of those who step out and are prepared to give …. whatever it takes.

Are you giving whatever it takes? I pray you’ll know the joy that comes from doing just that.

Love always precious friends, KWW