Sunday, 12 February 2017

more than enough

More than enough -- I remember hearing these words when I was contemplating coming back to the ship around 6 years ago. I was wondering how I would gather enough finance to fund life as a volunteer and how I would get someone to rent my newly bought flat. I mean, I’d done it all before and felt like my circle had already given more than enough to love and support me… but I felt God say, ‘…there will always be more than enough’. Sometimes it’s been 22p too much, but nevertheless, I can testify that it’s been my story – there has always been MORE than enough. Not just enough, but actually MORE than enough. Even 22 teeny pence can be more than what you need.

But lately I’ve been realizing my understanding of those reassuring words needed to grow. Would there always be enough grace for living in community? More than enough peace when I felt anxious? More than enough sleep when I felt overwhelmed? More than enough friends when I felt alone? More than enough love to fill my gaping holes of grief? Would there?

There is. And even more than that, I’ve found you only know those depths when you start scraping the barrel.

This is the truth – Blessed – lucky – are those who cry. Blessed are those who are sad, who mourn, who feel the loss of what they love – because they will be held by the One who loves them. There is a strange and aching happiness only the hurting know – for they shall be held. (Matt 5 – and Ann Voskamp)

It's all so upside down. I’ve often wondered how I’d feel if my heart went through some massive tragedy. I think it’s the result of caring for many people who have faced just that. I wonder – would I show such courage? Such blind trust? Would I have enough strength to keep on going?

And then I started thinking of all the things in my heart and realised that perhaps there’s quite a bit of’tragedy’ in there already. It’s all relative isn’t it. But heart stuff is never small. My forever friend who recently left the ship --- the life sharing, the professional support, the feeling understood, the safety of just knowing she was there…. and then there’s living life alone. Well it’s not like I’m ever truly alone. But there are things I don’t have that grieve my heart….

And Regina… she’s my friend from Ghana who I met 11 years ago. Long story short, she came to London for surgery because we couldn’t help her on the big white ship. She bravely showed the world that beauty wasn’t on the outside. She strutted around London like she owned the place – complete with her facial tumour. What a trooper. And what a journey she’s been on. Her very own father – the one who loved her so much and someone I am sure was responsible for cultivating such a non-apologetic attitude deep inside her – was tragically killed in the midst of all this. But tumour or not, she knows who she is. And so the story continues – this time she came back to the ship for review, just this week. Sadly there are ongoing problems that are too big for us. Too risky to tackle. And so as I parceled her and her aunty on their way back to Ghana, her only words were, ‘please don’t cry for me’… and, ‘give me a mercy ship water bottle’…. as my heart fought the injustice, the thought that -- if this was me, I’d be tucked up in a hospital bed receiving my world class treatment for free - - but for her, she’s on her way back on a 24 hour bus ride home… as I fought the injustice, I remembered 2 things…

One. Love hurts and we just gotta keep on loving…

Two. The ironic freedom Regina has in living for today… so many of our stealers revolve around fear of the future… In the face of ‘inoperable’, what if I just worried about a water bottle. It’s tragic and beautifully freeing all at the same time.

… If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

 Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes. Matt. 6

And so there it is my friends. Stop worrying. Love deeply. There will always be more than enough. 'Cos when you feel a radical gratitude for what you have, you end up wanting to go to the ends of the earth to share it. Radical giving is the way to radical abundance.

I continue to receive abundance and I aint gonna stop giving. It’s what makes me feel alive.

‘Beat, beloved heart beat, beat on in the world. You will be broken and you will be loved. You don’t ever have to be afraid….’. (Ann Voskamp)

… there will always be more than enough. Don’t forget that.

Love always. KWW

If you haven't seen it already, please take a look at this thank you video

Mothers celebrating their baby's clubfeet becoming straight at our 'dance ceremony'... kinda says it all...